In a shocking press release made public this month, the Drug Enforcement Administration confirmed that the latest target of a pharmacy related investigation was not leading drugstore operator CVS.
"We have concluded an investigation into the diversion of oxycodone through legitimate pharmacies in the state of Florida and onto the streets of cities throughout the country, and have concluded that it in no way involves CVS." said lead field agent Dirk Bradford at a press conference at DEA headquarters this afternoon. "As unbelievable as it may sound, CVS is in no way accused of doing anything wrong at this time."
The investigation uncovered stores that had sold as many as 2,200,000 pills of oxycodone over the course of a year and not a one of them was a CVS. Seriously. The company that has over the years been accused of among other things, bribing state senators, employing fake pharmacists, overcharging both the Medicare system and individual Medicare recipients, as well as letting a customer have an asthma attack in one of their stores because they were a couple dollars short had nothing to do with this scandal.
I'm not kidding you. Six stores lost their DEA license in Florida over this. And a company that is not CVS will pay an 80 million dollar fine.
Walter Brombach, a retail analyst at Goldman Sachs expressed concern the company was losing its competitive edge.
"After being a trailblazer in showing just how far a corporation can go in skirting the law to profitability, these latest developments raise the specter that CVS' competitors may be catching up and developing their own ways of calculating the reward/risk ratio of defying accepted laws and social norms. That being the case I am immediately downgrading my rating on the stock from 'strong buy' to 'hold"
Other analysts were more optimistic, noting that CVS had its own oxycodone scandal in 2012 and this was simply a case of others mimicking the industry leader.
Reached at the company's headquarters in Rhode Island, CVS spokesman Mike DeAngelis said "We remain committed to serving our customers and will work with the proper authorities.....wait....no....this isn't us.....no comment."