Sunday, January 12, 2014

I Strike Potential Business Gold With A Paradigm Shifting Plan

Ok, maybe it won't really shift any paradigms, but I needed a bit of business jargon, and it's the best i could come up with in my current drunken state.

That's right, drunk for the first time in a long while I am, but not for all the bad old reasons. This is a happy, "I  work in a job where I never have to use the word paradigm ever again" kinda drunk. A "I need to get rid of the last of the old disgusting gin I bought when I was unemployed and upgrade my liquor cabinet now that I have disposable income and health insurance again" kinda drink.

I'm in a good mood, that's what I'm trying to say, and I think this idea of mine just might add to the festivities.

It came to me the other day when I thought about how good it felt, on my last day with the pharmacy chain that keeps it personal, to finally tell my District Manager what an incredible buffoon I thought she was. How the fact she came in the store reeking of tobacco smoke said about all that needed to be said about my now ex-employer's commitment to health care. I gotta tell ya, telling off a District Manager does wonders for your mental health.

But, for those of you interested in remaining employed, it's not really an option. Until now. That's where Pharmacy Jesus comes in.

Here's how it works. I, who has nothing left to lose after being crucified and reborn, will offer to act as a conduit between you and your corporate superiors. Through me, you will finally have the ability to speak truth to power. Simply leave me the name of the corporate wanker, the message you would like them to have, (example: "Dear fuckwad, the flu shot quota you just set in your last memo is mathematically impossible to meet. Anyone with a rudimentary knowledge of arithmetic knows this. Therefore I am ignoring said memo and you can go to hell") and an email address. Your communication will be sent directly to them compliments of the Drugmonkey. Imagine how good it will feel to finally tell the people cutting your technician hours that this in fact makes it harder...not easier....to meet your metrics. And that they are not fooling anyone with their rah rah bullshit memos or with their pathetic comb overs.

You will never tell me your name, so your communication will remain totally untraceable.

Simply drop me a line, and their name. And I'll make sure they get the message. Guaranteed.

Tomorrow, the story of how Pharmacy Jesus smited a corporate enemy. But for now, it's back to the last of the unemployment gin.

Life is good.......:)

5 comments:

Anonymous said...

How absolutely wonderful. :)

Anonymous said...

Holy cow. No way!

red_No_4 said...

Um, you forgot 'synergy.' I have actually created a drinking game (with coffee, alas) that I run at every corporate meeting. Synergy is a sip, paradigm is the whole cup. Makes it funnier when we all have to run to the bathroom at a crucial moment in the presentation.

Anonymous said...

Wow. You are a genius. Now that you are free from the rage building within, you are offering to channel the rage for those of us still in hell. Thank you Pharmacy Jesus.

Beloved Parrot said...

I'm so proud of you, Drugmonkey!